In liberal feminism, society itself isn’t broken, we just need to learn how to better exist within it – like men.
Radical feminism, on the other hand, understands that if you polish a turd, it’s still a turd. Radical feminism posits that the system itself is broken and the game is rigged. Radical feminism asserts that pornography and gender are designed to further subjugate women, while liberal feminism celebrates these as sources of female empowerment. Radical feminism is not concerned with appealing to males, or with making males feel comfortable, because radical feminists believe feminism should be a movement that prioritizes women, and that works to address and dismantle systems that contribute to female oppression – even when it makes men uncomfortable or angry, or divests them of some of their power.
Radical feminism isn’t very sexy.”
if you call a turd “feminist” it is still a turd, if you sprinkle glitter on it and call it “queer” it is still a turd. Keep your feminism, glitter and queerness and scoop up the turd and throw it out.
Women who don’t believe patriarchy is real = fish that don’t believe in water.
And men who don’t believe patriarchy is real are like a fisherman who doesn’t believe in water.
"What do you mean there’s this thing called water that keeps my boat…
Important for ALL of us to consider.
By Psychologist Dee Graham:
"Loving to Survive: Sexual Terror, Men's Violence, and Women's Lives"
by Dee Graham, Roberta Rigsby, Edna Rawlings, 1995.
If the mere existence of biological females “triggers” you, you’re a misogynist. You aren’t being righteous if you try to stop us from forming a community, you’re being oppressive.
We are allowed to talk about our bodies. We are allowed to make spaces where our unique female experiences are given priority 100% of the time.
So I’ve decided to act in the spirit of shamelesslyunladylike and the-hairy-heterophobe's challenge and stop spending my time arguing with men about feminism (and also just cut down on arguing in general) and focus on community-building and…
The entire trans* threat brigade boils down to, “We’re going to act like violent, entitled men until you stop saying that we’re dangerous in female spaces.” I wonder why this strategy isn’t working out.
oh trust me, i know exactly what you’re going through. there are a lot of parallels between your current relationship and my first (and last) relationship with a man. i met him when i was closeted and clueless about my own feelings. i met him during a time in my life when i would prioritize everyone else’s needs above my own (parents, peers, suitors, you name it) because i was so ashamed of my sexuality. plus, i always felt like an outsider for not liking men and i wanted to fulfill everyone’s expectations of me. having a boyfriend was proof to myself (and everyone else) that i was “normal.” it was my ticket into acceptability and it defined who i was for a lot people - many of whom didn’t even know my (now) ex-boyfriend.
like you, i was always terrified/disgusted by male sexuality. this has always been the case for me since i was a child. i found penises and pornography completely unappealing. the thought of giving or receiving oral from a man made me feel sick (it still does lol. oral from men is horrifying and uncomfortable). i picked my ex-boyfriend because he was unaggressive and non-threatening, which was basically the #1 quality i looked for in a man. it didn’t matter what he looked like so long as he was physically weak, all men look the same to me anyway so good looks didn’t matter. the entire relationship was very guilt-inducing for me because i wasn’t attracted to him and i fantasized about women - i felt unfaithful like you do now.
all i can say is this - you can’t discover your sexuality to the fullest while you’re in a relationship with a man. you just can’t do it, it’s basically impossible. when it comes to unpacking your sexuality, you need time and breathing space to examine your own internalized misogyny and internalized lesbiphobia. you need to be in a place where you have zero obligations to anybody but yourself. you need to make the decision to prioritize yourself over men.
if my experience reflects anything about men it’s that the man you’re with now loves (the idea) of you. my ex was actively invested in making sure i remained clueless about my lesbianism so that he could still be with me. i didn’t realize how much of a status symbol i was for him until we broke up. he basically viewed me as his future wife & the future mother of his children because he ~loved me so much.~ idk if your bf is like that, but he is probably invested in making sure you stay with him. it sounds to me like you don’t need that in your life right now. you need time for yourself.
i hope that helps! <3
Men beating and raping and getting off on the degradation of women is a men’s issue, yeah. But what happens when we ask male allies to address these issues? They a) write books (that women have usually already written) and make money off of them or b) join feminist/women’s lib groups…